Father & His Son, funny!!!

A father is teaching simple maths to his 5 yr old son.

Father, "Son, how many people are there in your classroom?"

Son, "Including the teacher, 31."

Father, "So without the teacher, there are 30 people left in the classroom?"

Son, "Nope! Without the teacher, there will be NO one left in the classroom!"

The dad was lost for words.

8 Ways to scare a telemarketer...

Very useful article!!!

50 Interesting Facts about WOMAN...

1. Women love to shop. It is the one area of the world where they feel like they're actually in control.

2. Women especially love a bargain. The question of "need" is irrelevant, so don't bother pointing it out. Anything on sale is fair game.

3. Women never have anything to wear. Don't question the racks of clothes in the closet; you "just don't understand".

4. Women need to cry. And they won't do it alone unless they know you can hear them.

5. Women will always ask questions that have no right answer, in an effort to trap you into feeling guilty.

6. Women love to talk. Silence intimidates them and they feel a need to fill it, even if they have nothing to say.

7. Women need to feel like there are people worse off than they are. That's why soap operas and Oprah Winfrey-type shows are so successful.

8. Women don't need sex as often as men do. This is because sex is more physical for men and more emotional for women. Just knowing that the man wants to have sex with them fulfills the emotional need.

9. Women hate bugs. Even the strong-willed ones need a man around when there's a spider or a wasp involved.10. Women can't keep secrets. They eat away at them from the inside. And they don't view it as being untrustworthy, providing they only tell two or three people.

11. Women always go to public restrooms in groups. It gives them a chance to gossip.

12. Women can't refuse to answer a ringing phone, no matter what she's doing. It might be the lottery calling.

13. Women never understand why men love toys. Men understand that they wouldn't need toys if women had an "on/off" switch.

14. Women think all beer is the same.

15. Women keep three different shampoos and two different conditioners in the shower. After a woman showers, the bathroom will smell like a tropical rain forest.

16. Women don't understand the appeal of sports. Men seek entertainment that allows them to escape reality. Women seek entertainment that reminds them of how horrible things could be.

17. If a man goes on a seven-day trip, he'll pack five days worth of clothes and will wear some things twice; if a woman goes on a seven-day trip she'll pack 21 outfits because she doesn't know what she'll feel like wearing each day.

18. Women brush their hair before bed.

19. Watch a woman eat an ice cream cone and you'll have a pretty good idea about how she'll be in bed.

20. Women are paid less than men, except for one field: Modeling.

21. Women are never wrong. Apologizing is the man's responsibility, "It's there in the Bible". Hmmm, who was it that gave Adam the apple?

22. Women do not know anything about cars. "Oil- stick, oil doesn't stick?"

23. Women have better restrooms. They get the nice chairs and red carpet. Men just get a large bowl to share.

24. The average number of items in a typical woman's bathroom is 437. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.

25. Women love cats. Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.

26. Women love to talk on the phone. A woman can visit her girlfriend for two weeks, and upon returning home, she will call the same friend and they will talk for three hours.

27. A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, or get the mail.

28. Women will drive miles out of their way to avoid the possibility of getting lost using a shortcut.

29. Women don't try as hard as men during sex; after all, they don't fall asleep afterwards.

30. Women do NOT want an honest answer to the question, 'How do I look?'

31. PMS stands for: Permissible Man-Slaughter. (Or at least men think it means that. PMS also stands for Preposterous Mood Swings and Punish My Spouse.

32. The first naked man a women see is "Ken".

33. Women are insecure about their weight, butt, and breast sizes.

34. Women will make three right-hand turns to avoid making one left-hand turn.

35. "Oh, nothing," has an entirely different meaning in woman-language than it does in man-language.

36. Lewis Carroll's Caterpillar had nothing on women.

37. Women cannot use a map without turning the map to correspond to the direction that they are heading.

38. All women are overweight by definition; don't agree with them about it. Women always have 5 pounds to lose, but don't bring this up unless they really have 5 pounds to gain.

39. If it is not Valentines day and you see a man in a flower shop, you can probably start up a conversation by asking, "What did you do?"

40. Only women understand the reason for "guest towels" and the "good china".

41. Women want equal rights, but you rarely hear them clamoring to be let into the draft to cover the responsibilities that go with those rights. All women seek equality with men until it comes to sharing the closet, taking out the trash, and picking up the check.

42. Origin of the word "woman" is: woo-man.

43. If a man ticks off a woman she will often respond by getting a fuzzy toilet cover which warms their rear, but makes it impossible for the lid to stay up thus it constantly gets peed on by the guys. (which gets them in more trouble)

44. Women never check to see if the lid is up. They seem to prefer taking a flying butt leap towards the bowl and then chewing men out because they "left the seat up" instead of taking two seconds and lowering it themselves.

45. Women can get out of speeding tickets by pouting. This will get men arrested.

46. Women don't really care about a sense of humor in a guy despite claims to the contrary. You don't see women trampling over Tom Cruise to get to Gilbert Gottfried, do you?

47. Women fake orgasm because men fake foreplay.

48. It's okay for women to dance with each other and not be gay. You don't see straight men dancing together.

49. Women will spend hours dressing up to go out, and then they'll go out and spend more time checking out other women. Men can never catch women checking out other men; women will always catch men checking out other women.

50. The most embarrassing thing for women is to find another woman wearing the same dress at a formal party. You don't hear men say, "Oh-my-GOD, there's another man wearing a black tux, get me outta here

2007 INTERNATIONAL HUSBAND OF THE YEAR AWARDS!!!

3rd Place: Albania


2nd Place: Serbia


The winner of the husband of the year is: Ireland

The kids nowadays so advance....

What a suprise of children now!!!

Malaysian CSI,funny!!!

Ahmed died in a fire and his body was so badly burned that the morgue needed someone to identify the body.

As he had no family, they called up his two best friends, Ah Beng and Kumar. Ah Beng went in first and the mortician pulled back the sheet.

Ah Beng said, "Wah-lau-eh, he's very barbecued like cha siu. But if you would roll him over, I will tell you if he's my friend Ahmed or not." The mortician rolled the body over.

Ah Beng looked at his ass and said, "Heng-ah! No-lah, dat not Ahmed." The mortician was puzzled how he was so sure but he didn't say anything. He went and got Kumar to check the body.

Kumar looked closely and said, "Aiyoyo, it is true he's burnt very bad, but need you to roll him over and I can confirm if he's my friend, Ahmed." Again the mortician rolled the body over. Kumar looked down at the ass and said, "Aiyoyo, oh no no, this is definitely not Ahmed."

The mortician, unable to suppress his curiosity any longer, said, "Okay, you have to tell me now - how can you and Ah Beng tell for sure this is not Ahmed?"
Kumar said, "Well, this Ahmed, he had two assholes." "What?!!" the mortician said in disbelief, "He had two assholes?!!" "Oh yes, everyone in the neighbourhood knows this. Every time the three of us go out, people always say, 'Here comes Ahmed with the two assholes'."

CONVERSATION BY LANGUAGE,funny!!!!

An Arab was interviewed at the US Embassy for a U.S.A. Visa.

Consul : What is your name?Arab: Abdul Aziz Consul: Sex?
Arab : Six to ten times a week
Consul: I mean, male or female?
Arab : both male and female and sometimes even camels
Consul: Holy cow!
Arab : Yes, cows and dogs too!!!!
Consul: Man,...isn't it hostile?
Arab :Horse style, dog style, any style
Consul: Oh...dear!
Arab : Deer? No deer, they run too fast!

A Wife's Diary vs Husband's Diary....

WIFE's DIARY

Sunday night - I thought he was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a cafe to have some coffee. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment.

Conversation wasn't flowing so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk, he agreed but he kept quiet and absent. I asked him what was wrong - he said, "Nothing." I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said it had nothing to do with me and not to worry.

On the way home I told him that I loved him, he simply smiled and kept driving. I can't explain his behavior; I don't know why he didn't say, "I love u, too." When we got home I felt as if I had lost him, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there and watched TV; he seemed distant and absent.

Finally I decided to go to bed. About 10 minutes later he came to bed. I decided that I could not take it anymore, so I decided to confront him with the situation but he had fallen asleep. I started crying and cried until I too fell asleep. I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.


HUSBAND's DIARY

Today Manchester United lost the match. DAMN IT..!!

So true in the 21st century...

Our communication - Wireless

Our dress - Topless

Our telephone - Cordless

Our cooking - Fireless

Our youth - Jobless

Our food - Fatless

Our labour - Effortless

Our conduct - Worthless

Our relation - Loveless

Our attitude - Careless

Our feelings - Heartless

Our politics - Shameless

Our education - Valueless

Our follies - Countless

Our arguments - Baseless

Our boss - Brainless

Our Job - Thankless

our broadband = broadless

Our Salary - Very less!!!

Our pocket - Pennyless

Our politicians - brainless

Our future - futureless

our car - standardless

our road - smoothless

our motorist - patienceless

Our complain - Endless

bra = strapless

suffering = endless

our petrol -noless!!!

PERMOHONAN UNTUK BERPOLIGAMI...

Suami bin Lelaki
17, Jalan Angkasa,
24300, Kemaman
Terengganu.

Isteri binti Perempuan
17, Jalan Angkasa,
24300, Kemaman
Terengganu.

31 April 2006

Puan,

PERKARA : PERMOHONAN UNTUK BERPOLIGAMI

Perkara di atas adalah di rujuk.

2. Sebab utama permohonan ini di lakukan adalah kerana saya ingin melengkapkan kuota yang telah di peruntukkan bagi saya. Buat masa ini kuota yang telah di isi cuma satu, memandangkan masih ada 3 kekosongan, eloklah jika dapat di penuhi secepat mungkin. Pihak yang akan mengisi satu kekosongan ini buat masa ini ialah Cik Hana Fazura binti Ramli yang
merupakan setiausaha saya di pejabat. Memandangkan komitmen yang beliau tunjukkan di pejabat amat baik, eloklah jika kita masukkan dia bersama kita di dalam organisasi keluarga kita. Kekosongan yang selebihnya akan di isi di masa akan datang.

3. Untuk makluman pihak puan, yang sebenarnya masalah ini telah lama saya fikirkan tetapi memandangkan poket saya yang selalu nipis, terpaksalah saya tangguhkan dulu permohonan ini di samping kurangnye rasa keyakinan untuk mengemukakan permohonan ini. Kini, setelah saya dapat mengeluarkan kesemua duit pelaburan ASB saya, saya merasakan kembalinya semangat saya yang telah hilang selama ini.

4. Permohonan ini amat setimpal kerana dengan kedudukan sekarang ia menguntungkan kedua belah pihak dan juga pihak ketiga. Selama ini hidup kita bahagia sebab jika tidak, manakan mungkin puan dapat menjadi seperti sekarang. Semua yang puan miliki sudah bertambah besar. Kereta besar, rumah besar, rantai besar dan pakaian besar. Jika dulu potongan puan seperti gitar, kini sudah bertukar menjadi drum. Oleh itu, sudilah kiranya dapat kita kongsi bersama insan lain kebahagiaan kita ini.

5. Pihak puan juga dapat menikmati faedah dari kelulusan permohonan ini kerana puan akan tetap menikmati apa yang telah puan miliki sekarang dengan waktu bekerja lebih singkat dan sistem syif akan di perkenalkan iaitu 1 hari kerja dan 1 hari cuti rehat. Waktu bekerja yang selebihnya akan ditampung oleh pihak ketiga. Kebaikan yang puan akan nikmati ialah waktu rehat yang bebas kerana dalam waktu puan bercuti, saya selaku Penyelia tidak akan memantau aktiviti yang puan lakukan. Pada waktu itu saya cuma akan fokus kepada hasil kerja pihak ketiga. Menguntungkan bukan?

6. Segala kerjasama dari pihak puan saya dahulukan dengan ribuan terima kasih. Saya amat berharap pihak puan dapat meluluskan permohonan saya ini kerana adalah lebih baik jika kita dapat berkongsi kebahagiaan kita ini bersama insan lain. Saya harap permohonan saya ini di balas dengan senyuman penuh keikhlasan dari pihak puan dan tandatangan puan di atas kertas yang saya lampirkan bukannya balingan periuk nasi, pinggan-mangkuk, ketukan senduk dan perkara-perkara yang menyukarkan pihak puan untuk melakukannya.

7. Saya harap puan sudi meluluskan permohonan ini. Hadirkanlah senyumanmu sebagaimana ketika kita menyambut orang baru iaitu bayi kita kedalam keluarga kita 10 tahun lepas. Situasinya lebih kurang sama dengan masa kini. Kita akan menerima orang baru juga cuma bezanya ialah jika 10 tahun yang lepas kita perlu menjaga dan membelainya dengan manja bersama tetapi kali ini, setiap urusan penjagaan dan belaian manja akan di laksanakan oleh saya sepenuhnya.

8. Akhir kata, saya harap permohonan saya ini dapat dibalas secepat mungkin. Semoga kita bersama-bersama dengan pihak ketiga akan dapat melaksanakan program ini dengan jayanya.

Sekian, Terima Kasih.

"BERKORBAN DAN BERKONGSI KEBAHAGIAAN LAMBANG RUMAHTANGGA BAHAGIA"

Yang Ikhlas Memohon,

Suami bin Lelaki

The Tallest vs The Shortest

what a lucky famous man!!!

SEVEN WONDERS OF MALAYSIA BOLEH, 7 keajaiban Malaysia Boleh!!!

Here in MALAYSIA BOLEH land we have our very own 7 wonders:

1. THE ZAKARIA 'PALACE'
The only building built with no approval and unpaid
assessment fees that is not demolished and sealed. The
owner is the first bankrupt to be able to own
a palace.

2. THE 'BOCOR' PARLIAMENT
The unique feature is its ability to 'leak' away
billions of taxpayers money while the guardians of
the nation stood there all wet.

3. 'UNHAUNTED' KUCHING PRISON
The only $600M prison in this world that is free of
haunted stories and encounters. Reasons No execution
was done here before. In fact no prisoners were held
in here. There are also no concrete walls with barbed
wires to contain souls - both dead and alive. Maybe it
can qualify as the first imaginary prison built with
real money.

4. PAYA INDAH 'WASTED' WETLANDS
The nation's premier eco-tourism park holds the
record in the category of attracting more lawyers
with litigation than tourists with binoculars.

5. 'NOT SO' SMART TUNNEL
Uniquely design to alleviate floods. When completed,
it does everything except alleviate floods.

6. 'DISCONNECTED' CYBERJAYA
The one and only high tech city in the world that
offers limited or no internet connection to its
residents.

7. CROOKED 'CROOKED' BRIDGE
The most crooked bridge in the world dreamt by a
most crooked mind. Too bad it was abandoned; otherwise
it would make it as one of the wonders.

LATEST 8th WONDER :
1ST MALAYSIAN ASTRO MAN BLASTED OFF TO NOWHERE WITH MILLIONS OF
RAKYAT MONEY BURNT IN 10 DAYS FOR THE MOST EXPENSIVE SPACE EXPEDITION HAS
ENTER INTO THE MALAYSIAN GUINESS BOOK RECORD AT 10 PM ON 0CT 10, 2007.
BRAVO!
( p.s. NO WONDERS - PRICES today had increased "NAIK , NAIK, NAIK " in
2007....look and see....for sure....garanteeeeeee....tahun depan minyak
mestiiiiiiii naik punya....this year cannot naik....sebab sudah promise-mah...!!!! tahun depan sure naik like soyuz pecut...dasyhat looo....
HANYA DAP ROCKET - TAK BOLEH NAIK !!

Before & After Marriage, funny!!!

Before Marriage:

He: Yes. At last, it was so hard to wait.
She: Do you want me to leave?
He: NO! Don't even think about it.
She: Do you love me?
He: Of course! Over and over!
She: Have you ever cheated on me?
He: NO! Why are you even asking?
She: Will you kiss me?
He: Every chance I get!
She: Will you hit me?
He: Are you crazy! I'm not that kind of person!
She: Can I trust you?
He: Yes.
She: Darling!

After Marriage:

Now read this from bottom to top.

International Dating Procedure...

AMERICAN WOMEN
First date: You get to kiss her goodnight.
Second date: You get to grope all over and make out.
Third date: You get to have sex in the missionary position.
Then you promise to marry her but will probably abandon the idea.

JAPANESE WOMEN
First date: She's shy, so you don't get to kiss her at all.
Second date: She'll take a bath in front of you and let you smell her
panties.
Third date: You get to have kinky sex with her.
Then she'll bid you sayonara, as that was her last fling as she's
getting married to a Japanese man tomorrow.

MALAY WOMEN
First date: You get to touch that big breast of hers.
Second date: You get to home base with her.
Third date: You have to promise her that you are going to get circumcised.
Then you will marry her and find out that you have to support her whole
family.
The only consolation is that you get to repeat the procedure three more
times as allowed under Islamic law!

CHINESE WOMEN
First date: You get to buy her an expensive dinner but nothing happens.
Second date: You buy her an even more expensive dinner but nothing
happens too.
Third date: You have already realized that nothing's going to happen.

INDIAN WOMEN
First date: You meet her parents.
Second date: The date is set for the wedding.
Third date: It's your wedding night!

HONG KONG WOMEN
First date: you lose all your cash in your wallet
Second date: you max out all your credit cards
Third date: you clean out your bank account
and you still can't get to first base. 3 weeks after your third date,
you die from SARS.

Call Center's Joke...

Part 1


Part 2


Enjoy this..Really Funny!!!

Nice Question!!!

A woman is at home when she hears someone knock at the door.

She goes to the door and opens the door to see a man standing there.

He asks the lady 'Do you have a vagina?'.

She slams the door in disgust.

The next morning she hears a knock at the door and it is the same man and he asks the same question of the woman 'Do you have a vagina'.

She slams the door again.

Later that night when her husband gets home she tells him what has happened for the last two days.

The husband tells the wife in a loving and concerned voice 'Honey I am taking tomorrow off to be home just in case this guy shows up again'.

The next morning they hear a knock at the door and both run for the door.

The husband says to the wife in a whispered voice 'Honey, I'm going to hide behind the door and listen and if it is the same guy I want you to answer yes to the question because I want to see where he is going with it'..She nods yes to her husband and opens the door.

Sure enough the same fellow is standing there and asks the same question.

'Do you have vagina'.......'Yes' she says...... The man replies.. 'Good! Would you mind telling your husband to leave my wife's alone and start using yours.'

How To Eat In a Sushi Bar

Nice Video..Enjoy!!!

Night Courses's JOke....

Ah Beng went to take night courses with the reasoning in future can get promotion or better job.

During work, Ah Beng likes to show off to Ah Seng about his knowledge.

Ah Beng: Ah Seng ah... I've been taking night courses for 3 months already, next week is the exam.
Ah Seng: Oh... Good luck ah.

Then Ah Beng started show off...

Ah Beng: Ok, I test you, who is Graham Bell?
Ah Seng: Don't know
Ah Beng: He is the inventor of phone la... in 1876, see... if you take night courses, you would know this.
Ah Seng: ........................ *speechless*

The next day, Ah Beng shows off again...

Ah Beng: Ah Seng ah... let me ask you, who is Jean Jacques Rousseau?
Ah Seng: Wash your toilet one ah?
Ah Beng: No! He's the author of "Confessions", nah nah nah... told you already, if you take night courses, you would know this.
Ah Seng: ......................... *speechless + frustrated*

The next day, once again...

Ah Beng: Do you know who is Alexander Dumas?
Ah Seng: Your gay partner?
Ah Beng: Choiii!!! If you don't know don't simply answer la. He's the author of "The 3 Musketeers", if you take night courses, you would know this.
Ah Seng: ....................... *speechless + frustrated + irritated

This time Ah Seng cannot tahan (stand) anymore and ask Ah Beng...

Ah Seng: Eh... Do you know who is Ah Kaw?
Ah Beng: Errrr... No!
Ah Seng: He's the guy sleeping with your wife!! If you stop night courses, you would know this!!
Ah Beng: ........................ *fainted*

Geli Mat, Tamil video with malay subtitle...

Hear it and enjoy!!!

Stumpy and his Wife....

Stumpy and his wife Martha went to the state fair every year. Every year Stumpy would say, "Martha, I'd like to ride in that there airplane." And every year Martha would say, "I know Stumpy, but that airplane ride costs ten dollars, and ten dollars is ten dollars."

One year Stumpy and Martha went to the fair and Stumpy said, "Martha, I'm 71 years old. If I don't ride that airplane this year I may never get another chance." Martha replied, "Stumpy, that there airplane ride costs ten dollars, and ten dollars is ten dollars."

The pilot overheard them and said, "Folks, I'll make you a deal, I'll take you both up for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say one word, I won't charge you, but if you say one word it's ten dollars."

Stumpy and Martha agreed and up they went. The pilot did all kinds of twists and turns, rolls and dives, but not a word was heard. He did all his tricks over again, but still not a word. They landed and the pilot turned to Stumpy, "By golly, I did everything I could think of to get you to yell out, but you didn't."

Stumpy replied, "Well, I was gonna say something when Martha fell out, but ten dollars is ten dollars."